Sunday, April 5, 2009

The grass on the other side

So I have been temporarily out of work for the last 6 months. A state of affairs which is likely to continue for another 6 months at the very least. Strangely, with each passing day, as this pregnancy stretches on interminably, tempers get shorter and the mercury inches upward and I find myself missing aspects about my working life more and more. Stuff which I miss the most:

1. I miss getting up each day with a sense of purpose and urgency- of things that need to be planned, stuff that needs to be finished.
2. I miss the delicious 5 minutes of sleep I used to get after hitting the snooze button on my alarm one more time. Now, with no office to get ready to go, and amma to fill in for me to do the cooking, there is simply no motivation to get up in the morning...and hence no value for those last delicious 5 minutes of snuggling.
3. I miss this the most....getting dolled up to go to work. I never took my work for granted. Ever. Every single day that I could go to work was a blessing. And I made the most of it. I took my time out deciding which dress I would wear. Neatly ironed cotton salwar one day, trousers the next, crisp cotton sarees on thursdays, jeans on fridays and so on. I would have a competition with myself to see how long I can go without repeating the same outfit.
4. I miss listening to FM as I drove to work. Those few minutes of solitude where I felt comfortably alone, and yet a significant part of the rest of the world of people who were going somewhere and had important things to do.
5. I miss being the first one in my team to go to work and that tense anticipation as I checked my email, waiting for some bugs, some new issue to work, some weird problem that has cropped up overnight.
6. I miss the sigh of relief that came with knowing that everything is right in the world of code that I had written and the leisurely morning cuppa that came after an initial round of mail checking.
7. I miss being a part of the adult world and adult talk shop. The stale jokes, the office politics.
8. I miss feeling hungry by 12.30 and eagerly anticipating my dabba lunch.
9. I miss the rush of adrenaline as I rush to kuttan's daycare early in the evening and the look on his face as I pick him up and we snuggle.
10. I miss being able to talk shop with the husband. Nowadays, it sometimes feels like we are part of two different worlds, with nothing in common.
11. I miss the feeling of power and joy I used to get as I received that sms at the end of every month stating my salary has been credited into my account. There, briefly, it all seemed worth the trouble.

I think the heat and the pregnancy and the lack of purpose are making me a very crabby person. Does anyone know how to beat the summer blues?

9 comments:

Rozzni said...

These are the exact list of fears that covers me...when i think of quitting my job!!

Will come back to see the replies
another B'lore techie

Just Like That said...

awww... don't let it get you down. the initial 6 months worked well for you, and you can always go back after... all the rest is ok, only the sms is something that is to be sorely missed. I agree perfectly with the fact that this heat is getting on the nerves.

Compulsive Dreamer said...

I love what you have written... I have never not worked since I passed out of B School. I dont know how the feeling will be when I finally quit... will probably have similar thoughts like yours... and point 11 is definitely going to be the most missed part of it all

Mama - Mia said...

aah! well least you know its a short term six month thing!

and catch up with us girls to beat the blues! what say?! :)

cheers!

abha

Swati said...

lovely lovely post ..I fear of missing all this at the thought of quitting :)

ButI envy you for No. 3 , should take some inspiration from you

Monika said...

oh u know i was nodding on each one of them... specially no 3 and not repeating the outfit one ;-) me currently at home too

Divs said...

gosh...i've been home for the past 6 months too and have been craving all of these things too. I wonder how long we moms can stay out of the work force before we are considered obsolete :( Am curious to see if you find others who have gone back to the workforce after a few years and how was that.

Shalini said...

hi, just been introduced to your blog becasue I asked someone to connect me to women bloggers in blore..came across this post and found it interesting...am not a mum and NO WHERE close to being one..however, I did quit my regular job and got on my own last year..and my work is my baby...i understand about you not having a job..but I guess this is the best time...this is what i did..it may work for you - take a pen and paper and write down things you wld do if you got an opp...and then see what all you can follow, believe me its loads of fun...

i would be visiting your blog more often to read your posts...

i also wanted to connect with you..wld it be possible for you to write to me with yr contact id.

cheers
ss

AMIT said...

Thanks for sharing such a nice post.

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