Tuesday, November 20, 2007

And Life Goes On....

Thanks Aargee and Poppins for your support and wishes....And yes, I have good news. She is back...for now.

But now I find myself quite short changed. I have agreed to a lot of her demands and have increased her pay for the third time in the last 6 months. Ah well, as they say, this too shall pass.

In the meantime, I see a strange behaviour change in kuttan. I went back to work when he was 22 months old and its been exactly a year since then. In all this time, he has never ever cried when I left for work and used to look quite content to be left with his nanny.

Sometimes, if he was busy playing with Asha and I tried to interrupt, he'd kick me out of the house saying..nee officekku po(You go to office.) If either of our parents were visiting, he'd give both of us such a cold shoulder that we'd freeze over. And he has stayed with my mom in Coimbatore on many occasions without bothering himself too much over me or hubby.

During times when it was just the 3 of us, he has always attached himself to hubby and left me alone. He has always cried more when hubby left the house to go out and when he did'nt come back early.

So many people have commented on how lucky I am, and how clingy some kids are and how they never let their moms go anywhere, that providence seems to have heard it and decided to balance the scales...against me.

Ever since we have come back from the vacation, I find kuttan clinging to me all the time. Even when amma came last week, he seems quite incapable of settling with her and keeps asking for me, I am told. I call home yesterday and he picks up the phone and begs me to come home 'fast a'.

Now I find all this rather disconcerting. It was easy for me to pretend that I liked my life and my job when kuttan seemed quite happy without me. But to have to wrench myself every morning from his clutching hands...that is more than what I am capable of. I hope this is a phase he is going through because of all the time we spent together during the vacation and I hope this passes soon.

But deep, down inside, I like it. For the first time, my son is showing me he needs me and I like the feeling. Though I hate not being able to fulfill the need to the fullest. Earlier when my friends used to tell me how lucky I am that my son is not clingy and how horribly clingy their own kids are bla bla, I used to exclaim with horror and cluck my tongue in sympathy in all the appropriate places. But deep down I used to feel..'why is'nt kuttan missing me as much? Am I doing something wrong?'

Are'nt women the most perverse creatures ever??

On a less emotional note, I know I have been really lazy about blogging the last few weeks and promise to be more disciplined in the future. Watch this space for more regular blogs.

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